Chic Murray Jokes

Chic Murray and his jokes
(Scottish Comedy)
Chic Murray, the famous Scottish actor and comedian, is the subject of this page, which was dedicated to him. Scottish humor is appreciated around the world, but the humor is both unique and incredibly chic funny. It is very difficult to do justice in print, but here goes anyway ...



(If you know of others please email them to me).

Visit London, Chic was asked by a stranger, "Do you know the Battersea dog's home?". He replied: "I do not even know he was missing."

When staying at a hotel in Rothesay, there was the usual bread and jam (in pots small circle) on the breakfast table the morning. When the hostess entered the room, Chic up a pot of honey and tiny said: "I see that you keep a bee!

It's a small world, but I would not want to paint it.

My mother was so proud that the house when my father got up to sleepwalker, she made the bed at the time of his return.

My father was from Aberdeen, and a man more generous than you want to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a check for it, post dated of course.

I made a stupid mistake last week. Come to think of it, have you ever heard of someone making a clever mistake?

So I gave him a wave. In fact, it was more of a half-wave, because I know that half.

What use is happiness? He can not buy you money.

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, waistcoat and trousers of newsprint. He was wanted for theft.

If something is neither here nor there, where the hell is he?

My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You will see the result in front of you, a simpleton.

I had a tragic childhood. My parents never understood me. They are Japanese.

I will not say I was slow developer, but our teacher was very pleased to have someone of his age in the class to talk to.

If it were not for marriage, the husband and wife will have to fight with strangers.

After I told my wife that black underwear me, she did not wash my Y-fronts for a month.

Kippers-fish that, as much sleep.

The boat was so old, it must have been launched at Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

The place was very chic. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

I felt like for him as a left-handed violinist in a string section busy.

Feel like you out of your car. Then, try to lose.

I drew a pistol. He has a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.

We have windows in our house. It is those damned pigeons.

You know what they say about stamp collecting. Philately will lead you nowhere.

There's a new slimming course just as they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but we must also look much more relaxed.

The police stopped me when I was in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.

I met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.

I dreamed that I was forced to eat 25 pounds of marshmallows. When I awoke, my pillow was missing.

My girlfriend is a redhead, no hair, just a red head.

I confess to spend a fortune on women, alcohol and gambling. The rest I spend foolishly.

A neighbor put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.

My face.